Fear. Everybody fears something in their life. Some fear spiders, others fear disappointing people and some fear failure. None of these fit into my category. I fear uncertainty. Every night I get into my bed and before shutting my eyes I make a list in my mind. A list of all the reminders I have for the next day including homework, after school activities and something as little as reminding myself to put my cleats in my backpack the next morning. I always picture a good day as accomplishing everything on my list…and then I begin the cycle again. But, there is one problem. As a get into my bed ready to make another mental list I question myself. Was it really a good day? Then, why do I feel so empty? I being to wonder if I will live the rest of my life redoing this continuous cycle. The good part is that I’ve realized why I feel so empty. It’s because of uncertainty. From being so certain how my day will begin and end, I haven’t notice how much of a nightmare uncertainty has become for me. I need to know everything that is going on in my schedule and if something changes or goes wrong, I feel scared. I’ve come to a conclusion that this is a problem I have to resolve because life is full of changes that sometimes we can’t control. The trick is making an effort to accustom your self to those changes and identify your uncertainties.
In 9th grade I was chosen as one of the sixteen students in my grade to join the Innovation Academy. I didn’t really know how to react to this so I told myself to react happy because this was a really great opportunity. My first day in the IA scared me because for the first time in my school life I felt uncertain. I didn’t know if my grades were going to drop because of the different program. I didn’t know how long it would take me to get use to it and most of all I didn’t know if it was the right program for me. My doubts were clear though. I worried about how difficult it would be to transition into the IB program in 11th grade, if my english skills were going to get worse and if I wasn’t able to deal with the autonomy. So, without much thinking I asked Mr. Bonnici to meet with me because I was desperate for answers. He told me that from having me as a student in 8th grade he knew that I was a hard worker but within my work, I always turned to him for some kind of guidance. Again, this is my uncertainty. I was always self conscious about my work and too many times I convinced myself that I was doing it all wrong. So he told me that maybe it was all the freedom we’d be given that scared me. And not for a second did I disagree because every word that came out of his mouth was true. I was walking into the program feeling blindfolded and uncertain of what challenges would await me and that terrified me. I told myself to take a chance. Mr. Bonnici made me realize I needed to possess the value of independence. In life, I will not always have someone pulling me in the right direction or clarifying my uncertainties. I have to learn to deal with the changes given to me and use autonomy to resolve my worries. A voice inside my head told me the solution to my problem is the innovation academy. Honestly, I can say that I needed the program more than it needed any other student.
2 Comments
Bon
8/17/2015 07:45:22 am
Renata, this a genuine post. Many of us are scared stiff of uncertainty because when we are faced by it we realize that we're not in control. But uncertainty, if you think about it is what ultimately makes us question and think carefully. Just like prototyping, you'll never know the outcomes of your work until you get to iterate. I;m happy you've taken the plunge.
Reply
Claudia
8/28/2015 04:10:24 am
Renata, your blog is very detailed and engaging i like the fact that you made it very personal the fact that you gave deep thinking about how you feel will help others connect to you. Your grammar in very good although you have a lot of small sentences I am not sure if you did that on purpose but there is too much pause. For example in this sentence "I being to wonder if I will live the rest of my life redoing this continuous cycle. The good part is that I’ve realised why I feel so empty. It’s because of uncertainty. " you can connect the last two sentences with a coma to create a pause but not a full stop. Your reflection is very deep I think maybe you can make it a little more clear that first you start off with an anecdote and then reflect about it.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
June 2016
Categories |