Do you ever find yourself wishing for a specific talent? Being able to cook, being good at a sport, playing an instrument, etc. Well, welcome to the story of my life.
As a little girl I’ve always dreamed about playing the piano, everything about it fascinated me: its delicate keys, the relaxing sound it adds to an environment, the peaceful melodies it can create. Two years ago, I decided to finally take lessons. Extremely nervous to meet my teacher for the first time, a stubby old man walked into my house with a very determined expression on his face. He’s a very traditional man who does not like wasting time and believes in the power of practice, practice, and more practice. I am a very dedicated person to learning piano, but there’s only so much dedication I can give with homework, soccer practice, projects, and other activities I have going on in my life at the same time. The worst moment I frequently experience in my life is waiting for my teacher to arrive for our lesson and knowing I have not practiced anything and I’m still at the same level as the previous class. The disappointment in his voice kills me when he asks me, “you haven’t practice, right?”. I tell him I’ve been busy, which I know is true but I can’t help but feel like a failure. I truly believe people are born with talents and, with practice, they improve that talent along the way, but I honestly feel I was not born with this talent and I’m pushing something that’s not there. I tell this to my mother and she tells me that’s ridiculous. I try telling my teacher I don’t think I’m good enough and he responds the same as my mother, but even though this sounds terrible, what if he’s just saying that because I’m paying him? So if my mother is forced to tell me not to worry because she’s my mother, and my teacher could be lying to me for his own personal benefit, how do I know if I should just quit and stop wasting my time? I’ve considered it so many times... but then I stop. I stop and forget about all the bullshit. I’m serious. I forget about being good and wanting to please others and I ask myself, what do I love? And deep down, I know I love piano. You see, the moment I am prepared for that lesson and do have time to practice, time stops. I have complete presence of mind and allow myself to only focus on my fingers touching the keys and the music coming from them. Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, the opportunities I have to improve my skills using their compositions excite me. I’m not ready to give something up that makes me feel alive, even when I do struggle at times. Maybe right now is not the best time to explore and challenge myself with constant practice and dedication, due to all the other stuff going on in my life, but that doesn’t mean I have to quit completely because it’s a passion of mine I can’t let go of. Maybe I’ll never be really good at playing, which after a long time of accepting it, it’s finally okay with me. After worrying a lot, I’m fine with keeping this passion of mine to myself, and hey, maybe in the long run I’ll be confident enough to play in front of others, but for now I’m satisfied with me, myself, and my piano, whether it’s a talent or just a passion.
2 Comments
Bon
5/10/2016 03:10:57 pm
"I play tennis for a living even though I hate tennis, hate it with a dark and secret passion and always have."
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Cristobal Delgado
5/22/2016 08:31:06 am
Renata, it's not always easy to keep up with your passions, especially in a time like this where homework piles up and doesn't leave any time for other activities. It is hard to find something that you actually love to do as much as you love to play piano, regardless of your talent, it's something worth pursuing for the sake of it. This is a well crafted blogpost, the ideas flow and you have a solid conclusion.
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